England's Ashes demolition job of Australia in Brisbane's first ever cricket Test match at the Ekka

The batting was decried as "deplorable" by one newspaper.

Branded "weak" by another.

"Disastrous" was another description, while the entire display was characterised as "a chapter of misfortunes".

Sentiments like those could be said to be contemporary of just about any Test match Australia has played against England on these shores in recent years — particularly in Brisbane.

But, in a reversal as unlikely as a last-minute SOS sent to the door of David Warner to fill Australia's troublesome opener spot or England hiring Geoffrey Boycott as a batting consultant, these lamentations are not about the quality of Australia's opponents.

In 1928, England won the first ever Test match to be held in Brisbane by an absurdly colossal 675 runs.

It remains the largest ever winning margin in Test match history.

Brisbane, Australia's most dominant cricketing city

England does not have a good record in Brisbane — not in the modern era of Test cricket, at least.

Indeed, it's been 39 years since the tourists won a Test match at the Gabba.

Back in November 1986, it took Ian Botham to inspire England to a seven-wicket victory. His 138 first-innings runs helped the tourists to 456, while Graham Dilley's 5-68 meant the Aussies had to follow on.

What this England side would give for a similar display of dominance at what is a graveyard of a venue in terms of victories.

England has only won five of its 22 Tests in the city, with five draws. Twenty-two of those Tests have taken place at the Gabba, with England losing seven of the last 10 games without recording a victory.

That, in itself, is not a surprise. 

The Gabba is Australia's happiest of hunting grounds, with Australia earning 42 victories from the 67 Tests it has hosted. Of all Australia's regular home Test venues, the Brisbane venue has the best win-loss ratio of any that have hosted more than 20 matches, the hosts winning over four times as many as it loses.

It doesn't quite compare to the WACA when it comes to Ashes Tests though — Australia has won 10 of the 14 Ashes matches hosted there, losing just one, as the kryptonite effect of Perth's cracked black soil wrecked havoc with England's batters for almost half a century between 1970 and 2017.

Australia's extraordinary two-Test winless run at the Gabba — a draw against India and a defeat against West Indies in 2024 — is rare enough to be almost unprecedented in the modern era.

The last time Australia failed to win in two or more matches at the Gabba was in 1989, a draw against Sri Lanka following a defeat to the 1988 West Indies, which led to a 31-match unbeaten run ended only by the Indian tourists of 2021.

And yet, despite England's torrid record in recent years, things started ever so well for English cricketers in Queensland.

England won on its first three visits to Brisbane —  by six wickets in 1933 and by 322 runs in 1936, with both those matches taking place at the Gabba.

But it wasn't at the Gabba where England played its first Test in Queensland and, despite the emphatic nature of those subsequent victories, they both pale into insignificance compared to their first visit to the Sunshine State in 1928.

The Ekka takes centre stage

The first Test match to be hosted in Brisbane was at the Exhibition Ground, known affectionately today as the Ekka, to the north of the city centre in the suburb of Bowen Hills.

Playing at the ground which belonged then, as now, to the The Royal National Agricultural and Industrial Association of Queensland, did not last long. It hosted just two men's Test matches, against England in 1928 and against the West Indies in 1931.

It also hosted a women's Test in 1934, but we'll get to that.

The reason for the move was purely financial — the Exhibition Ground could hold 26,000 spectators in its natural amphitheatre, more than the Gabba could at that stage and was deemed to be a far more appropriate site to host the city's first Test match.

The choice was, it turned out, mostly very well received.

An article written by Fair Go in the Brisbane Daily Standard noted that the Queensland Cricket Association "was eulogised by everyone on the thoroughness of its arrangements" for the first Test to be played in the state, although the writer did note that "there was room for improvement in a few minor ways, because the Exhibition Ground has been developed for show purposes — rather than for cricket."

Cover Point in the Brisbane Sports Referee noted there was "a certain amount of adverse criticism from Sydney relative to Brisbane's first Test match, but, in spite of this criticism, Brisbane will have more Test matches".

The writer also pointed out that criticism of the wicket from the southern states was way off the mark: "a more incorrect and one-eyed criticism could not be imagined".

"We were all delighted with the ground, the wicket, and the treatment we have received in Brisbane," England's captain Percy Chapman said.

"Everything that was possible has been done for us."

Newspaper reports claim an estimated attendance of 75,000 across the five days of play, with gate receipts totalling 6,040 pounds — the dollar still a couple of months and 37 years away from being introduced.

This too was held up as being too small an amount, which was also rubbished by Cover Point as "a nice argument to use in favour of a huge city against one that is comparatively small".

"If money is the basis of international cricket, then international cricket is not worth playing. If international tours are simply money-making concerns, the sooner we see the last of them the better."

The Exhibition Ground became the world's 16th Test match venue and fourth in Australia, hosting the 176th Test match.

For the record, by this time the SCG and MCG had both hosted 28 Test matches each, with Adelaide Oval the venue for 11.

'Australia's severe defeat'

The headlines in Sydney newspaper The Referee tell a neatly succinct story of what was a stunning defeat as well as any.

"History was made at Brisbane."

"England Won Test by 675 Runs."

"First Time in Forty Years Australia Makes Less Than 100 Runs."

"England Far Too Good."

The details are still worth delving into.

England won the toss and batted first, scoring 521 runs over the course of the first two days, thanks largely to Patsy Hendren's five-hour-and-eight-minute 169 that he amassed largely with skipper Percy Chapman (50) and Harold Larwood (70).

"Saturday will long be remembered as a disastrous day for Australian cricket," the Melbourne Weekly Times reporter "G.K.M." wrote on how England's batters, led by the tail, ground the Australian bowlers into the dust before blowing away their top order with the ball.

Australia was already 4-44 heading into the rest day and was soon all out for 122 in just 50.4 overs when play resumed on Monday's third day — Larwood taking 6-32. 

That 122 was described as "miserable" by the Melbourne Weekly Times and "paltry" by the Brisbane Sports Referee, "the paltriness of which must have astounded followers of cricket wherever the game is played".

Australia had even lost its first wicket before a run was scored, "to the horror and amazement of the crowd," so reported the Melbourne Weekly Times. Modern England supporters know that feeling well…

Australia's misfortune had started in England's batting innings though, when fearsome right arm quick and left-handed, gloveless batter Jack Gregory broke down with a knee injury having bowled 41 overs, taking 3-142.

He played no further part in the match, nor indeed, ever played in a cricket match again, retiring as a result of that injury.

The tourists did not enforce the follow on, batting again to reach 8-342 before declaring shortly before the close of day four.

England struck immediately in bad light, reducing Australia to 1-17 before stumps, Larwood again the wicket taker, dismissing Bill Ponsford caught behind for 6.

Set an insurmountable target of 742 to win, Australia's faint hopes of victory was stomped on by a colossal storm that ripped across the city and flooded the Ekka in the early hours.

"When heavy rain burst in Brisbane on Tuesday night … it sealed the impending doom of the Australians in the Test," wrote The Referee's correspondent, who went by the alias "Not Out".

The Weekly Times wrote that, "Australia's position was absolutely hopeless."

The Lithgow Mercury surmised what followed as such:

The first Test is over. England, thanks to a drenched wicket, a blazing sun, superb bowling and equally good captaincy has beaten the flower of Australian cricket by over 600 runs, the seven remaining wickets being captured before the luncheon interval this morning.

The West Australian correspondent, who wrote as "Old Boy", reported that despite the overnight rain "it was one of the most surprising collapses in the history of the game … play lasted only an hour, and seven batsmen were dismissed for 20 runs."

Old Boy noted that "there was only one batsman on the side who seemed to know how to play on a bad wicket, and that man was Woodfull".

Bill Woodfall, out for a duck in the first innings, carried his bat for a 73-ball 30 in the innings as Australia was bowled out for just 66, with Gregory joined on the sidelines by Charles Kelleway, whom it was reported was ill with food poisoning, suggested to be as a result of eating bad oysters.

Don Bradman's inauspicious debut

The names indelibly inked into the scorecard from this Test stand out like floodlights through the haze of a long-forgotten past.

Douglas Jardine, Australians will come to remember that name very well, as will they that of Harold Larwood. Others include Walter Hammond, Bert Sutcliffe, Clarrie Grimmett, Bert Oldfield, Bill Ponsford.

Oh, and some 20-year-old New South Welshman, batting at number seven in the order. A lad called Donald George Bradman.

Bradman was one of two debutants in the Australia team for this Test, the other being Queensland left arm spinner "Dainty" Herbert Ironmonger, the fourth-oldest Test debutant in history who was also notable for not having a forefinger on his left hand, making his bowling achievements all the more remarkable.

But history only remembers one of the pair as being the greatest player of all time, the New South Welshman from Cootamundra via Bowral the man who stands head, shoulders and most of his torso above any other throughout the history of the game.

Bradman's debut was not the best, scoring 18 runs in 40 first innings balls and falling for just 1 in the second innings.

The Brisbane Sports Referee was impressed with Bradman's first innings, although one wonders what the future doyen of Australian cricket would make of being described as "the colt":

The colt livened things up at one stage by scoring three fours in succession, one a lucky one, but the others well-played strokes. He was batting with the utmost confidence, and Ryder was going along splendidly at the other end. But Maurice Tate pierced Bradman's armour and sent him back to the pavilion out lbw.

It later noted that Hendren "was missed by Bradman in the outfield when he was under double figures" in the second innings, one of "a tragedy of missed catches" in the match.

Fortunately for Bradman, England's first-innings destroyer only managed 45 in a "brisk" innings this time around.

The Sydney Referee noted that Bradman "batted confidently enough" in the debacle of a second innings before pushing a slow ball from Jack White "that turned and rose a bit" to silly point. Old Boy, in the West Australian, described it as "a dreadful stroke" under the sub-heading "deplorable batting".

Ironmonger's debut wasn't particularly well received either: "Ironmonger seems to have been useful largely to bowl the English batsmen's eye in," wrote the Sydney Morning Herald.

Even the veterans were criticised, not least Ponsford, whose reporting of the match for the papers while he was playing in it was described as a "intolerable" by the SMH, the correspondent arguing that "the spectacle … degrades the game".

Few would have been able to hold their heads up high after a 675-run thrashing though, in fairness.

Nevertheless, Bradman was dropped for the second Test at the SCG as Vic Richardson, Otto Nothling and Don Blackie came into the side for the injured pair Kelleway and Gregory, as well as Bradman.

However, it didn't take Bradman too long to get going once restored to the side for the third Test at the MCG, scoring 79 and 112 as Australia narrowly lost by just three wickets.

England enjoyed 'the luck of the match'

Almost every reporter noted that England had the luck go its way.

"From the onset the stage was set for an English victory," wrote Not Out in the Sydney Referee.

"Everything in the shape of luck went one way, though missed chances, of course, mean bad cricket. And their cricket was immeasurably better than Australia's."

And that was acknowledged by England captain Chapman.

"We realise that ever since just after lunch on Friday the luck of the game has gone our way," he said, according to the West Australian's special correspondent.

"It came to a climax when the Australians had to bat on a rotten wicket. 

"Then the injury to Gregory was a calamity. I cannot tell you how sorry we are, not only at him breaking down during the game, but at the suggestion that his cricket career is ended. I sincerely hope this is not so. 

"Kelleway's illness was also bad luck, but he will have to be more careful in eating oysters.

"As to our team, they all did well, but it has been Larwood's match. He made runs and got wickets."

'Women invade Tests' in another Ekka first

Another interesting piece of history is that the Exhibition Ground also hosted a women's Test in the twilight days of 1934 — and not just any Test match either.

Brisbane was "singularly honoured by being selected" to host the first ever women's Test match, the Brisbane Telegraph's sporting supplement said in its headline, noting the historic nature of the occasion and that it was hoped this would be the first of many.

The reporter, Stan Phillips, said the players, despite "wearing the sensible garb of the modern woman athlete", might incite "a gasp of surprise from the older generation who have not been educated up to, say, the divided skirts that the Australian team will wear for the first time".

Indeed.

Phillips was, seemingly, not quite so enthusiastic about the prospect prior to him seeing the women actually play, and used the provocative headline "Women invade Tests" in the Telegraph Sporting Supplement the week before the Test was due to start.

"Just as the 'female of the species' has proved herself a worthy competitor in the commercial world of the 20th century, especially since the great upheaval of 1914 in Europe, so she has gradually invaded sporting activities once considered the particular province of the male," he wrote in his introduction.

"And now we are to have test matches in cricket, not only for men as in the past, but also for women."

Carlie Hansen in The Courier-Mail noted that the match would not officially be called a "Test" as the Australian Council and the English team "refuse to associate with the games any suggestion of the grim trial of strength which the term applies".

The reports of England's play were very favourable though.

"For the most part [England are] aggressive bats, they all show a splendid variety of strokes, and force the runs at every opportunity" compared to the Australians, who are described as more "ponderous" in their style by Hansen.

Who knew? England's women appear to have been Bazballing Australia's staid batters 47 years before Brendon McCullum was even born. 

"To a casual observer the outstanding difference between the two teams is in the matter of physique," Hansen continued.

"The Australians, built on slim lines, of a wiry type and of medium height, are in direct contrast to the bigger, more heavily built English girls. However, this does not mean that the English team is ponderous. 

"On the contrary, In the field, where they are perhaps at their best, their quick, neat action and admirable team work have won applause from all who have seen them play."

The pioneering England women's team toured Australia throughout 1934/35, arriving in Queensland in December after matches against Western Australia and Victoria.

The tourists beat Queensland's selection by an innings and 41 runs before meeting Australia in a three-day encounter, both matches at the Ekka in Brisbane.

England's nine-wicket win

Like the first men's Test at the same venue, England won it by a handy margin, 9 wickets. 

The story of that women's Test is just as fascinating — and just as unsuccessful as the first men's one at the venue for the hosts. 

The great Surrey all rounder Myrtle Maclagan took a remarkable 7-10 in 17 first innings overs with her right arm off breaks as Australia was bowled out for a paltry 47 in 49.3 overs — with wicketkeeper Hilda Hills forced to retire hurt after having her nose broken while batting. She played no further part in the match.

Maclagan then whacked 72 of England's 154-run response before being bowled by Annie Palmer, one of the Victorian's 7 wickets in the innings.

Australia made a better fist of the second innings, scoring 138 with Essie Shevill's unbeaten 63 almost as impressive as the 24 maidens sent down by medium pacer Mary Spear in her 34-over display where she took 5-15.

England knocked over the required 34 runs in 12.5 overs for the loss of just Maclagan's wicket.

Some 3,000 supporters watched the first day of the Test according to reports, with the overall takings for the match 394 pounds.

Maclagan went on to lead the run scoring (252 at an average of 50.60) and take the most wickets (20 at 8.45) throughout the subsequent three-Test series, which England would win 2-0.

The tourists won the second Test at the SCG in January by eight wickets, Maclagan becoming women cricket's first Test centurion with a fine 119 in England's first innings.

At the MCG, Australia avoided defeat only by virtue of England running out of time to take the final two Australian wickets, the Aussies 62 runs short of England's total with just two wickets remaining at the end of the third day. 

The last word should, perhaps, go to C.G. Macartney, writing in The Morning Bulletin of Rockhampton. 

"After having watched the test match between the English women cricketers and those of Australia, one must come to the conclusion that the display of prowess in our national game was a revelation," he wrote under the patronising headline, "surprising ability".

"The great majority of male onlookers were present to scoff and secure a number of good laughs at the feeble efforts of the women. It is a tribute to the women players that practically every one left the ground full of enthusiasm for the game as they played it, and a higher tribute was paid in that the crowd remained until the last ball was bowled."